As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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