i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
