So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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