I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There r osticjed everywhere
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
