Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
