in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
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He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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