I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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