Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
