I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
