I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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