So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
