Non-Jews are for practice
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
