I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
