I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
