we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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