Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I want to fling myself into the sun
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
