dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
