I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i need some magic done to my vagina
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
