He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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