Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
