just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
