Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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