All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
