I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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