Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
