My room smells like vodka and shame
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
