you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
