i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
