Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
