Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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