Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
