So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
