i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize