i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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