I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
