everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
