my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
