Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
