they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
