Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
