he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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