Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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