and you said cock pushups were impossible
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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