My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
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We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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