Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
