dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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