My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
