i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
