At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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