So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
