This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you win again, gameday.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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