he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
