does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
