Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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