I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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