Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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