Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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