toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're my little dorito
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
