Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
