maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm always down for nudity.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
