I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
