youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
