There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
