I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
