how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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