end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
