Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
