a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
