i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
