You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
