"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
