I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
